My pants and moving towards the BEST version of me.

Hey friends!
   It's been a busy couple of weeks in my world! My husband and I had a heart to heart about our health and goals. Since then, we've been holding each other accountable and encouraging each other to focus and follow through. I ALSO teamed up with some pretty amazing Beachbody coaches to create the best challenge group of all time.

   Seriously y'all... create your own support system because when your goals are far away, you totally need it.

   The aforementioned challenge group requires using Beachbody products; Shakeology, which I do Shaun T's Insanity Asylum because I obviously have a death wish. But that doesn't start until MONDAY. So in the interim, I've been going to Kosama classes. Kosama is a mixture of cardio and weights and it's pretty intense. Since it's been humid, the Kosama gym is SO. STINKING. HOT. I'm talkin' about chewing the air in there. Even the tops of my hands sweat. WHY?! Struggling through the workout is completely worth it, however, because I burn, on average, 700 calories. SEVEN HUNDRED CALORIES. Like I said, intense.


   When I need to force myself through a workout like this, I have tested a number of mind over matter techniques to get me through it. Visualizing myself in a bikini. Having a 6-pack. Working towards Carrie Underwood legs. I think I have to work up to thinking about all that. For now, I have to clear my head. Kind of a meditation while doing a high-intensity workout. Stop thinking about work. Stop thinking about where I want to be because then I just get discouraged that I'm not closer to that. Clear it all OUT. Focus on ME. Focus on how well I'm doing. My form, my intensity. Squatting lower. Lunging deeper. Jumper higher and faster. Lifting heavier. Not dying. All in a day's work, friends.

   So the focus is me.  My personal goals are so weird now. Sweating through my shirt is a like a badge of honor. Working harder to burn another 50 or 100 calories is like winning a race. These baby steps are going to get me to where I need to be!

  I also focus on my pants. That's right. M'pants. The following comments are not exactly the prettiest, but they are real and that's what I'm striving for. I workout in yoga pants. Always. I don't do shorts. I have about 8 pair of pants I cycle through and exactly one of them fit me perfectly. As in, I don't have to worry about them sneaking down my bottom as I move and jump and squat. They stay where they need to be. But, they are old and ripped in some places. Probably because of my Hulk-like muscles. SO I ask you, WHERE do I find pants that STAY IN PLACE? There are lots of girls in my class with shapely derrieres and they don't seem to have a wiggly pants issue. Maybe I'll just wear maternity pants backwards and call it a day. I'm not even kidding.

   Whatever. I'm there, I'm working like crazy. I have sore muscles and I'm tired at like, 8pm. I am DOING IT!!

 
  

Goals and trying to live the dream

Hi everybody! After I posted my blog last week, I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of encouragement I received through comments on the blog, on Facebook and in personal messages and texts. I can't believe it! You all are pretty incredible people and I'm so grateful that, at least in some capacity, you are part of my life.

*disclaimer* If you messaged me and I didn't get back to you, please message me again. I was buried in messages!

After last week's post, I subjected myself to all the vulnerability of criticism (there was definitely some of that), support (TONS!) and facing my own demons. I needed the cleansing effect that "putting myself out there" gave me. I needed to be held accountable and lifted up by the 545 people that read my post. During the last week, I've been in kind of a meditative trance, trying to figure out my goals and plan of attack to best accomplish tackle my goals. I have a few marvelous people rallied around me and we are DOING THIS!! If you are motivated to do the same, let me know! Here's how it's goin' down!

Goal setting is obviously important. In fact, I found a website called www.positive-changes-coach.com and on it, I found this:

Goal definition can be important to your quality of life. This fact has been proven repeatedly through sound empirical research in psychology and social science as well as business and economics. Personal goal setting is important for things like ...

• Wealth, abundance, and prosperity
• Achievement
• Wellbeing and life satisfaction
• Motivation
• Increased self-confidence
• Hope and optimism
• Greater sense of control and effectiveness

I highlighted the bullet points that pertain to my weight loss-- all but ONE! Goal setting IS happening around here, y'all because who wouldn't want to reap those benefits? I wrote down my monthly goals and I'm working toward each one currently.

So here are my monthly goals. They are pretty simple, yet specific enough that I can't really cheat. If you can't see them in the photo, they are:

1. WATER- All day, every day. I sit all day at work and sometimes, I get a little bored. Or tired. And I convince myself that I NEED caffeine. I don't drink coffee, so at 3pm, when that familiar slumps tends to hit me, I will reach for WATER instead of pop. I drink out of a regular water bottle, so I use a permanent marker to tally my daily bottles of water.
2. Exercise 6 days a week. (Yes, SIX!) This is a challenge because I love sleeping in and being lazy on weekends. It can't happen anymore!
3. Portion control -- and snack often! When I "diet" I deprive my body of food in order to feel like I'm making progress with my goal. Then when I eat, it's a feast and I totally gorge on it! It's not pretty. SO-- smaller meals and snacks to keep me feeling full should do the trick!
4. Don't eat after 9pm. - This is tough because I usually eat at 6, so at 9:30 or so, I'm hungry for a little something, which is usually something terribly unhealthy. I will chug a glass of water, eat dinner and then keep the water flowin' all evening. Also I can sleep. Sleep instead.
5. Log food into www.myfitnesspal.com - My friend Kim turned me on to this app. It's. Amazing. You can add in recipes and it factors out nutrition facts based on serving size. You can scan barcodes of things you eat and track it that way. God bless useful apps.

Additionally, I'm reading this wonderful book called, "Made to Crave- Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God Not Food" This book is not a how-to manual or the latest, greatest dieting plan.  is a helpful companion to use alongside whatever healthy eating approach you choose — a book and Bible study to help you find the “want to” in how to make healthy lifestyle changes.

Guys, so far, this book is blowing my mind at how I'm looking at food and my relationship with it. It's an easy read and it's the perfect personal development book as I start this journey.

FINALLY, I'm going to work harder as a Beachbody coach, starting with leading a challenge group! These groups are for people that want to get serious about their health but also thrive on having a support system. Mine will be a 90 day group, beginning on May 5, with my friend Katie! We are looking for 5-10 people who are SICK of making excuses and justifying their decisions about health and fitness. Those people should be committed to being the BEST version to themselves! Seriously ya'll, if you're interested, please let me know because this group is going to fill up fast- I already have 2 challengers ready to GO! I want this group to be AWESOME and SUPER successful!

I'm excited about turning over this new leaf in my life. I have never been "fat" but I've never had to try to fit into jeans either. I'm ready to be HAPPY!

My breaking point

Hi friends,
   It's been a long time since I've blogged, but I've been pretty busy and also, pretty lazy. Let me 'splain.

   Tomorrow marks 10 months of wedded bliss. In that time, I've gained back the 15 pounds I lost pre-wedding. In true early marriage fashion, I've enjoyed making elaborate recipes for (and eating them with) my husband. We are homebodies and enjoy being at home watching movies more than we enjoy going on a run together. We enjoy sleeping in and, because of our busy schedules, our time together is spent as lazy time. I have fallen in love with my job, at which I sit for most of the day. It's the curse of the office worker. These are not excuses, but reasons for my lack of interest in accomplishing the ongoing goal of being the best version of myself. In my head, my husband thinks I'm beautiful no matter what, so what's the problem? Who do I have to impress?

Myself. I need to impress myself and the simple truth is that I haven't done that in a long time.

   I choose clothes to wear not based on their style, but based on the fact that they fit and they are appropriate for work or church. I would LIKE to be stylish, but things just aren't as cute on "big" girls than on petite ones. I used to have things about myself that I loved. My butt, for example, has always been curvy and cute. Lately, it's big and lumpy. My thighs swish together. My arms jiggle like a lunch lady's. I have a double chin. I have to tuck my tummy in to my pants when I sit down and that weird pooch that women get after having tons of kids. In the last year, I've been told I'm "thick" and asked when my husband and I are expecting. Even in the back of the exercise class (where I feel most comfortable) a woman said to me, "us big girls have to stick together." A girl can only take so much in stride.

   Let me be clear- I don't need to be a skinny rail. But I do need to have confidence. It's been a fast decline in my confidence that is proportionate to the incline in my weight. I hate being in pictures. I don't wear tank tops, shorts or swimsuits. I can fit into my husband's pants comfortably. Aside from my husband, who tells me I'm beautiful several times daily... not because I need to hear it, but because he genuinely thinks that,  I can't remember the last time I was complimented for looking nice or thin. I know that's vain, but a girl wants to be told she looks nice.

I was lamenting this particular problem to my husband. His opinion is that it really shouldn't matter what others think-- shouldn't his opinion of me be enough? Nope. Sorry. I want a stranger or someone I haven't seen in awhile to compliment me. It seems more obligatory when your own husband tells you regularly. I am fully aware of how backwards that is, but at this point that's what I'm dealing with.

   The problem is not with working out. I work out, but I'm not the most consistent person in the world. The problem is not with eating well. I drink Shakeology and juice and focus on putting vegetables in everything. The problem again is consistency. I need a network of help and support to boost me up so I CAN be consistent. If I convince myself that I can lose 30+ pounds, I can, right? Right... but I don't have the confidence to do it.

   My breaking point came on Saturday. I have a job interview for a promotion at work coming up this week. My sweet husband called me on the way home from work and suggested that we go shop for a new outfit for the interview. I was so excited to get something new, springy, and stylish! I chose some cute skirts, tops, a few dresses and trotted off to the dressing room. Everything looked terrible. I tried different sizes and styles while still trying to be feminine and professional. A lady in the dressing room, who admitted she'd taken Benadryl that afternoon, felt compelled to give me her opinion on everything I tried on. "Well, you need a jacket."  "No one wears the right undergarments to buy clothes." "It's pretty busy." "I can tell you don't love it." When she said that, I wanted to yell, "Of COURSE I don't love it, lady! I'm 30 pounds + overweight and I'm completely uncomfortable in my own skin!" Instead, I went into the dressing room and fought back tears while donning my own clothes and returning everything to their hangers. My sweet husband was waiting for me ready to see what I had chosen. I couldn't even look at him for fear of bursting into tears... I just said, "I think I want to leave." We drove home in complete silence because he didn't know what to say or do to make me feel better.

And this is the part where I get a little angry...

I had a goal of losing 20 pounds before my family vacation this summer. That's not going to happen at this point because if anything, I've gained weight. I need HELP, friends. Any by people who are real. Not people that weighed 120 pounds to begin with and "really wanted to lose 3 pounds" or "just tone up a bit." SHUT UP. I don't have time for you and I don't care about your "struggles." I realize how awful that sounds but going from a size 6 to a 4 is not overcoming an obstacle. Spare me the, "If I can do it, anyone can" nonsense because that's not true at all. Oh you lost three pounds in a week? NEAT. I gained three pounds in a weekend. TOP THAT. I look at these pictures of myself and it's not how I see myself at all. That's why I have such a hard time looking at them, going shopping, etc. I don't see myself as a "big" girl.

So this is my hope and my plan: I vow to get healthier and look better. I will need your help and I'm sure I'll have more than a few frustrated blog posts, but I plan to be more accountable and consistent. Any help is welcome as long as you aren't judgmental. I'm intolerant of it. Hopefully soon I can start seeing the beauty my husband sees. <3

reVolutions for a new lifestyle.

I've made my fair share of New Year's Resolutions. They rarely succeed because, well, I haven't fully worked on them. I get bored or lazy or distracted and give up.

** A few numbers**
Did you know 45% of Americans make New Year's resolutions? Any guesses as to how many people follow through with their promises they made on December 31?

Eight percent.

But, people who make resolutions are 10 times more likely to achieve their goals than those that don't, That makes sense. Some people are goal-oriented and like to work towards an end result. I for one, strive to be one of those people.

For work, I am currently reading The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon. Our partners recommended that everyone in our office read it, as they'd like it to effect the culture of our company. While reading it, I began to realize it's an amazing outlook for an office, but also a pretty incredible mantra for all aspects of my life; work, Beachbody "work", my faith, family, friendships, etc. I encourage everyone to read the book and allow it to encourage them to be the best version of themselves.

That said, it seems like I don't believe in short-term resolutions, but rather lifestyle reVolutions. Positive changes to make life better, easier and more enjoyable. What a concept, right? Here's a list of 10 things I'd like to work on moving forward in 2014 as part of my personal development.

1. Read More
    I love books. I have many and I keep lusting after more. However, I have become more of a TV person than a book person. My goal is to become more well-read. Turn off the TV and and lose myself in a book. Fiction, historical, biographies, self-help... all interest me and all are currently sitting lonely on my bookshelf.
2. Stop comparing myself to others
   As a woman, I know I'm not alone in doing this. I compare myself to other women that are in better shape, more accomplished, further along in their life events (having babies, owning a home, achieving higher education, etc.) I need to stop doing that and just work on my life. My body, circumstances and goals are different than theirs and sometimes that's hard to remember!
3. Start viewing "failures" as "another road to success."
   To be honest with you all, I had quite the pity party the other night. I felt like I have failed at goals over and over again, only to feel like I'm in a rut. I'm not currently working towards anything and that leaves me without a sense of purpose. I need to turn those "failures" into stepping stones towards success.
4. Be healthy (and not worry about the number on the scale)
   Again ladies, I know I'm not alone. I have continued to gain weight pretty regularly for the last few years. I can't tell you how many pairs of jeans have bitten the dust due to my expanding waistline. However, my revolution for this is to focus on HEALTH and not weight.
5. Keep the bathroom vanity clean.
   This one is kind of silly. We have 2 bathrooms in our house, but the hubs and I share our master bathroom as our main bathroom. I do my make-up in there, have all my products, hair tools, etc. In my hurriedness in the mornings, I leave everything sitting out and it gets messy fast. I have decided I'm going to make more of an effort to live in bathroom harmony with the fella by cleaning up after myself. I started this morning and it took about 5 seconds! It will make the routine so much more enjoyable if we have a clean space!
6. Think.
   I can't take full credit for this one-- I read it in an article about things 20-somethings should do more. We are a generation that acts based on feeling and not so much on thinking about actions. Think before we speak. Act. React. Write an email or Facebook post. After reading that article I realized that I have been slowly working on this point since I met my husband. It's a sign of class and maturity that I will continue to develop.
7. If I have a problem, work on it.
   I have a tendency to get upset about something and stew on it. That's not helpful, productive or healthy. Moving forward, I plan to be more assertive about my own emotions.
8. Be organized.
   This includes my desk at work, closets at home, my car and my filing cabinet. They all need some help and I intend to give them the attention they deserve.
9. Unplug.
   I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family and to promote my business. It's become a necessity rather than just a fun little website. I love it, but I realize that I need to unplug from my phone, email, Facebook, Kindle, etc. etc. I need to be more present with those I'm with and save my computer time for alone time.
10. Be a better wife, daughter, sister, aunt and friend.
   This is pretty self-explanatory, but I would like to build better relationships with those in my life. If I don't, who will?

I'd love to hear your goals for the new year, or your thoughts on mine. Until then, I wish you a happy, healthy and prosperous new year. <3