Resolutions? No. Just new ways of living.

Hey friends. It's been a few weeks since I wrote anything and published it for all of my 13 followers to read. It's high time I contributed to my blog and what better way to do it than to recap my year and outline some ideas I have for changing my life.

I learned a lot in 2011. I learned that I have nowhere near the amount of friends I thought I had. I used to have a lot of friends from different areas of my life. Many of them begged for me to move back so we could "hang out" because they "miss me." Well, long story short, that never happened. I have struggled with trying to mend these friendships and beginning to make new ones. In 2012, my goal is to move past this-- realize that the door closed on those relationships for a reason and its for the best. I will move on and do my very best to nurture some new friendships.

 I learned that professionally, I'm a 'yes' girl. I have a hard time saying 'no' in an attempt to be ambitious and excited about my job. It has done two things for me: It spreads my time too thinly and it opens up doors to get taken advantage of. In every situation like that, I end up feeling used and that my talents are being totally wasted and under-appreciated. So, in 2012 I will be more about me. Please don't misunderstand, I still care most about helping others in my job; that is how I'm most gratified. However, where people can make the most change is in a higher position to make decisions that will positively effect others. The whole point of working is to move up-- not to be in entry level forever! So, I will do my best to make that happen assertively while still helping others. It's a fine line but my balance is impeccable. :)

In 2011, I fell in love with a fantastic guy. A guy that encourages me to do the best at whatever I do....and he truly believes I can do it. He has so many wonderful traits and I'm happy and blessed to have him in my life. I could go on forever about him but I'll leave it at that. <3 In 2012, I'll go ahead and keep this one going :)

So, in 2012, my goals are to, of course, get in better shape. I cannot wait to do this! Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, My goal was to lose 5 pounds. Who tries to do that during the holidays?! This girl. BUT-- I did it and all it took was a little portion control and consistent workouts. I can totally do this.

I want to grow professionally. I'm already involved in a service organization and I volunteer weekly. But, I want to network and learn more about my city and the people in it. Being connected is the best way to be.

I want to get a few projects done. Thanks to Pinterest, my list of projects has grown, but there are some things I'd like to do before the year is done. I haven't scrapbooked since I lived in Kansas City in 2009. I want to the huge project of decluttering, organizing making my basement more homey. I can't wait to make it my little home!

A few other things I'd like to do are:

- Be more 'present.'
  When I'm with others, I want to put my phone away and live more in that moment. Being distracted by whatever is happening on my phone only make me feel more overwhelmed.

- Get outside more.
   Being outside is not a huge part of the culture here. Five months out of the year it's freezing and I'm the first one to go inside and cozy up under about 6 blankets. However, there's a lot that outside offers otherwise and I want to go explore it.

- Just keep swimming...
   My gym has a pool. Why don't I take advantage of this regularly? Oh yeah, because I'm not an 87 year old woman named Clara. Most of the people that swim are elderly ladies. But, in a moment of clarity on the treadmill while my knee was screaming at me to stop while at the same time threatening premature knee replacements, I wondered, why not?! Why shouldn't I go swim? It's stellar excerise; cardio and even strength training. I could be a smart twentysomething that thinks about the future of my body and the probability of my knees sucking forever and, pardon the pun, jump right in. Instead of killing myself trying to run all these 5ks, I'm going to swim. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

The attitude of gratitude

Those of you that follow me on facebook know that I have been observing the holiday of giving thanks by publicly announcing random things that I'm thankful for. They get a little silly-- I'm thankful for pillows and my stupid mean cat, etc. Originally I thought that everyone is thankful for their family, their friends, boyfriend or girlfriend, pets, health and having a job. That's the big stuff that is obvious and easy to think of. My idea was to recognize little things so people could take a step back and appreciate the little things in life when all the big things seem to be going wrong.

However I ran across a picture on Pinterest (my new favorite website. It's highly addictive, yet educational!-- but that's another blog topic) yesterday that really makes the aforementioned "big things" kind of small. I would like all of you to take a good look at it and realize just how lucky you are to have your basic needs met. If it's raining, snowing or a little windy, you get to go in a nearby building that's most likely heated and air conditioned. At night you sleep in a bed with not only one pillow, but probably several blankets. On a mattress. When you're hungry, you go to the kitchen, store, or out to eat to fill your craving. You probably aren't even really hungry-- you are probably just bored so you eat crap that's not even nourishing.

Friends, my point is that we are ALL very blessed. No matter how much debt we have or how little money we make. No matter that we got into a fight with a loved one or ran out of toothpaste this morning. If our biggest problem of the day is deciding which pair of pants to put on, remember to look at it from a different angle-- we HAVE clothes, shelter and plenty of food. In fact, I'm listening a co-worker right now discuss how many turkeys her friend is making and that her mother always made 20 pounds of potatoes. That's incredible! We take that stuff for granted and if we don't get it, we complain and mope. Because of our blessings, we should help those that don't have these things. It's our duty as people to help others that are going without.

Wherever you're going this Thanksgiving and with whomever you're spending it -- remember to really be THANKFUL, APPRECIATIVE and GRATEFUL.

Sounds like someone has a case of the Sundays

In the movie "Office Space." the phrase, 'sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays' is used to describe someone who's having a bad day and/or seems to be going through weekend withdrawl. I can relate most Mondays, but my real "sickness" is on Sunday evenings.

Since I left college, I have always sort of hated Sunday evenings. The weekend is over, the work week starts the next morning, and I always find myself wishing there were more hours in the weekend or whining about how three day weekends should be permanently implemented. I also take a look at the direction my life is headed. Currently, I live with my mother, which isn't a bad gig, but I don't know many that do that. There is also something to be said for total independence at 26 years old: it's underrated. Additionally, my waistline has suffered tremendously at the hand of my mother's hearty midwestern cooking. Mashed potatoes and gravy, anyone?

Anyway, back to my Sundays. It's a big "if/then" time for me. I mull over the hypothetical outcomes different decisions would have given  me. What if I went to grad school sooner? What if I stayed in North Carolina? What if I never moved to North Carolina in the first place? The fact of the matter is, I am where I am for a reason. (For the record, I hate the phrase "it is what it is." I think it's the most frustrating saying ever.) Now I have to figure out a way to do something bigger with my life. I volunteer, I go to a great church, I have an awesome family and boyfriend, I work with fairly nice people at a local affiliate of a national non-profit. Life is pretty dang good. But, I feel like I could be doing more: more projects around my house, giving back to the community more, etc. Does anyone else feel like what you're doing isn't enough? IS this something that will ever go away?

I am restless for the next step. Is it grad school? A big move? Friends and family, guidance and encouragement is always appreciated. Until then, I'll just have to deal with my mean case of the Sundays!

Breakin' up is hard to do

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the idea of friendship and what that means. To some, a friend is a shoulder to cry on. To others, it's a movie buddy. It's a confidant for secrets. It's a drinking buddy. For me, it's all of those things and a lot more. It's someone you keep in touch with even when you aren't together all the time. It's someone you let vent to you just because she's mad. You share in her joy when great things happen and you share her sadness or anger when bad things come along. You go through life together. I have been been blessed to have some good friends in my life; some that I thought would be around for years to come. But those relationships have dwindled some and we don't share a lot in common any more. No matter how many attempts to just 'hang out' are made, they make no effort in return. So, we just aren't close. It's a sad friend break-up. I hate to see it.

Women's Health Magazine writes, "The unique and emotional bond between women is about more than connecting with other women. These relationships can also have an impact on women's health." It's important for women to keep up their relationships with their female friends because it keeps them in touch with their emotions, reduces stress levels and reminds us of who we were before Tom, Dick or Harry came into the picture. They are important. I've been realizing lately that a lot of friends that I thought were close aren't so much. It's not the "hey we never talk but we'll always just pick up where we left off" kind of friendships I'm talking about. It's the 'we were friends in high school and we fell like we need to put on airs to keep up that image." To these friends, I wish you all the very best and I'll be here for you no matter what. Unfortunately, we just don't have anything in common anymore.



Jess and me



On the flip side, I do have a few close "sisters." The "hey we rarely talk but we'll always just pick up where we left off" friends. These are the great kind. One such friend is my friend Jess. I was in her wedding in September and we've been friend since college. I get to hang out with her this weekend when we return to our college town for Homecoming. Even though she's married, owns a home, and works a lot, we still catch up and exchange some emails weekly.

Me on the Right, Erica front 'n' center in Mexico!

Another such friend is my dear friend Erica. We met in Mexico, of all places. She was going to school in South Carolina and in a week's time, I had planted the idea of her transferring to my school. That fall she came for a visit and my the following spring, she had moved north! Fast forward a few years and one phone call from her convinced me to move to North Carolina to join the AmeriCorps. I changed her life in college, she changed my life after college, but I have a feeling we'll be doing that to each other for years to come. She's an amazing person. She's not able to come to Homecoming this weekend, and when I talked to her yesterday, she relayed to me exactly what I was thinking. "I have my girl friends here but they aren't you guys, ya know?" Every girl should have that group of 'you guys.' I may not have as many close friends as I thought, but I do have a few and I am a very lucky girl.

Update on the 30 x 30

After my last blog, I looked at my 30 x 30 list again. It was written back in May and I'm proud to report that a few things have either been completed or some progress has been made on them!

3. Journal about my life every week-- Ok, maybe I don't journal (blog) EVERY week, but monthly is a great way to record my life happenings, right? I'll try to be better about it!

4. Get Baptized-- I did that in March. One of my better moments in the last year!

5. Attend Church Regularly/grow in my relationship with God-- I've been attending a church and with the exception of most of the summer because of travelling, I've been going every week! Love it... it provides so much fulfillment.

7. Run a half marathon every year or 3 5ks-- SO far I've run 1 5k this year... I need to make more progess on this!

10. Volunteer Regularly- CHECK! Although this is an ongoing life goal. I read to a little girl at a school every week during the school year. Woo!

13. Read the whole Bible-- I recently started in Genesis. I learned these things from when I was a kid, but to go back and read it as an adult is so fun. It's also tedious. :)

17. Learn to change a tire and jump a car- I'm going to learn that in December at a work event!

25. Learn how to French Braid weaving in. I learned it!!!!! AND I can do a waterfall braid. Woo!

30. Go to Oktoberfest. I've always wanted to go to THE Oktoberfest in Germany, but any Oktoberfest will do! Randy and I went to Galena, Illinois last weekend and stumbled upon the Oktoberfest. I accidentally completed a goal of mine which just means that it was meant to be. They had a "weiner dog race" and local beer and of course, polka music! It was a great time and Galena is beautiful!!

Wanted: Adventure

my now UK friend, Kate!

Friends, as you know, one of my best friends lives in South Korea and is trekking all over the Far East (Does that mean she's having a Far East Movement? hmm). Another good friend of mine moved to the UK today and I can't help but feel not only jealous, but also very trapped in my current situation. I know, I know... I can't compare my life to other's lives and I get that, but I need an adventure in my life. Here I sit, in a cubicle that literally has piles of paper on it, listening to my co-workers in other cubicles talk and sometimes cry, yes CRY, about how terrible their job is. I might as well just start shuffling around asking if anyone has 'seen my stapler.'

Meanwhile, my friends who have helped shape who I am as a person are off globetrotting and having amazing experiences. Again, I shouldn't compare my life to others because as my boyfriend sweetly reminded me, everyone's paths are different. Except, right now, my path feels like a dead end while theirs is going up mountains and it's hard not to compare yourself to those that have influenced your life so much. 

I need an adventure in my life, pronto. 



Big Adventurers Shawna and Erica



The thing is-- it's not completely selfish of me to want something different. I plan to have children one day and I want them to look at me as someone who's traveled, seen and experienced out-of-the-ordinary things. Someone who's view of the world is broad and not stuck in a tunnel. Who's live didn't end because it was time to settle down and have kids or whatever that "next step" is. I want them to be proud of their mom! And right now, life is dull.

I have a boyfriend that is amazing, but I don't want to be that girl who defines her happiness on a man, nor do I think my boyfriend wants that type of girl. Happiness should be found within yourself and not in another person. I think I need to revisit my 30 x 30 list and remember to focus on my goals!!! I'm hoping to glean a little of your guidance, friends, on this subject. Thoughts? Suggestions on what I should do in my 30 x 30 list?  

Where everybody knows your name...

I know this is off the subject of my personal growth, but a

very dear friend of mine passed and I must express my deep sympathy for the family that was effected as well as grieve on my own. This friend was there for me through thick and thin. To celebrate the good times and to mourn and help me forget the bad. This friend was one that was a friend to many and a stranger to none. This friend loved live music and theme parties. Maybe that's why we got along so well.

This friend is actually The Pub in Maryville, Missouri. This was the only bar in town where you had to be 21 to get in. By the time we got to go to The Pub, it was like an exclusive club-- upperclassmen and the occasional stressed out teacher at the end of the bar. Sadly, the walls to Pub collapsed and fell yesterday. Or, as the newpaper article dramatically details, the walls "gave a final shudder then crumbled into an alley with a loud crash, convincing several onlookers to cover their heads and run for cover." ...Well, duh.

You see, The Pub was not what you'd call 'structurally sound.' The myriad of times I was waiting in line for the bathroom, I noticed a tarp hanging down from a gaping hole in the ceiling. The tarp was holding water that had leaked down from the roof. If a girl slammed the bathroom door, the tarp would threaten to break by shaking a little bit. Bits of the brick wall were crumbling and the floor was an absolute mess. It was FREEZING in the winter, which was sort of an accidental brilliant marketing plan because that just made people drink more. The Pub had chips, salsa and Corona on special on Tuesdays and some pretty amazing live acts coming through. RPI or Towncrier, anyone?

I think what The Pub was most known for were their amazing Halloween parties. The staff picked a themed (one year it was SNL, another it was Pirates) and there was a costume contest with pretty much the greatest grand prize ever for college students: a keg of beer. I met some amazing people at that place and in my last few semesters at school, I learned that drinking and brainstorming ideas for a group project was a great and productive idea, so a group I worked with met there a few times.

Alumni will miss you, Pub!

Prohibition

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last blogged. In the last month, I've taken a vacation, worked A LOT and met a really great guy. I've also fallen out of love with my job.

Well, maybe it wasn't real love to begin with... maybe it was a mild infatuation... either way, I'm over it and it's time to move on. Also, most of the people I work with really hate THEIR jobs too and, on the sly, are looking for something else. Some are actually pretty open about it and discuss it at work. It's pretty bad. Other friends and acquaintances dislike their jobs too! They are looking for something else as well and it's all just a big, vicious circle!

The REAL question is: Why should people be complacent in a job they hate?! Going to work everyday to a job you have zero motivation to complete is not living life!

The thing is, I work almost all the time. Life isn't slowing down and I don't have a ton of time to look for something else. SO-- I came up with an idea. A brilliant one, I may add. Or, maybe it's just stressed-fueled craziness. WHAT IF I pooled all the people I know that hate what their doing and form a little "let's find new jobs" club? Talk to each other about resources, who you know, what you know, etc. etc. I realize for most this is networking but sneaking around to do it seems so... rebellious. It's like the prohibition era for my job. This can be my speakeasy. I gotta get out and make myself happy because if I don't, then who will!? That 30 x 30 list isn't going to complete itself and my job, well, someone else probably has more patience for it.  

Shawna

One of my greatest friends in the whole world is moving across the world tomorrow. Shawna is moving to South Korea to teach English for a year! It's such an exciting opportunity, but I'm going to miss her like CRAZY! You see, Shawna and I met freshman year of college when she lived two doors down from me. We were awkward 18 year olds with no idea what was in store for us for the next few years. In that time, we have almost always been close, spent holidays together, travelled, laughed and cried over guys together and become each other's wingmen. To see the gangly girl in mom jeans (sorry, hun) blossom into to the girl with the infectious smile and hugs that tackle you and move across the world is completely mind boggling and amazing! You will do wonderful things!! I can't begin to express how proud I am of my dear friend.

Last weekend was Shawna's farewell party in Kansas City and we had a great time, but it didn't seem like she was leaving and I wouldn't see her for a whole year. Tonight, I was doing laundry and watching the last episode of Sex and the City on TV. For those of you that don't watch the show, Carrie moved to Paris, away from her best friends. In the end, she comes home and surprises them in a restaurant. I have to say, I choked up. Oddly, watching that scene was the moment it sunk in for me! I am truly blessed to have such a great friend! Well, friends.

I don't want to get to mushy here, because Shawna will have a GREAT time in a GREAT city! I hope to go visit at some point in the year. Here's a great quote I found...
Love Love Love, Shawna-na!

If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page. ---Mark Houlahan

Choices

Have you ever taken a moment to examine the choices you make in just one day? Or even an hour? People think choices are big-- where you go to school, what type of car you drive, who you date; no. I mean, they are important decisions, but small decisions you make can make a difference too. Everyone's life is a series of choices. You hear it all the time, 'Had I not taken this class, I never would have met so-and-so' or 'Had I not taken this route to work, I would have never gotten in a car accident.' The what-ifs in life could go on forever and drive a person crazy! However, you can't help but notice the signifcance that a simple choice could hold.

Unfortunately I don't have a cute story to illustrate this point specifically. I just noticed the other day how many choices you make in a day! What time you wake up, what you wear, what you eat for breakfast, how you drive to work, what you do at work, what to have for lunch, etc. etc. etc. It's truly mind-boggling! What if EVERY choice you made were significant? When I was 17, I decided on the college I would attend. It was never a question for me whether or not I'd go to college, so it was just a matter of deciding. At that age, I was told that it was a very important decision, but it's not one I took super seriously. I wanted a good school that I could have fun at. However, in making that decision, I got a great education, met some of the best friends a girl could ask for and did things that others have never done and probably will never do. Inadvertently, I have made choices that seperate me from these people and made me stand out. Some small choices turn out to be signifcant ones so how would you know what outcomes your choice will have? When I was in 12th grade, I didn't wear my seat belt ONCE and that ONE time, I went through a windshield. Because of that ONE time, I have scars on my forehead and potential trauma behind my eye that effects my sight. With the significance of decisions and choices in question, this begs another question: why would people make bad decisions?!

I've made PLENTY of poor decisions, but had I known the outcome, would I have made them? Probably not. However, it could be argued that those decisions and results helped shape who I am today. Let's take someone who drinks, for example. You drink. You get drunk. You drive. You get into a car accident. Or arrested. Or, you feel so miserable the day (or for a few days, in my case) after that you swear off drinking forever. After a few vows of living a dry life, you KNOW the outcome drinking a lot will have, yet you do it anway. Why? You know the negative outcome!

So, I have a challenege. Just for 1 day, think before you make a decision. Whether it's what you have for lunch or what you do in your down time...just think about the outcomes before you do it. You never know what the significance will be!

"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." -Sir Winston Churchill

Hot and sunburned, but thrilled that I helped build this house!

I need to refer back to my 30 x 30 list, which is the whole basis of this blog. 'Volunteer Regularly' is on there as one of my goals. Recently someone told me that they had "grown out of serving others and now focus more on serving myself." I was floored. I focus so much of my time on service to others in any capacity that I was kind of offended at this person's comment. Additionally, to say that you 'grow out of' serving others is a completely ridculous remark to me. It's not a stage of life, like potty training or your "party phase." How can you not help others? How can you be so self-absorbed that you wouldn't look around and see someone that needs help? They are everywhere, I assure you. Or worse, look around, acknowledge that there is someone that needs your help and then completely ignore it? Selllllfish. So, I'm going to make this a short and sweet entry about why volunteering and service to others isn't really hard or a huge time commitment.

Common Gripe #1: "But I don't have enough time!!"  I volunteer during the school year at a local elementary school and I read with a 9 year old girl. We meet every week for 1 hour. ONE HOUR. That's IT! Every week the little girl and I talked about different things and little by little, her reading improved and a friendship formed. By the end of the school year she was clinging to me begging me to come back in the fall. Of course I will, but that meant a lot. How did I get into that? I went to the United Way website and looked for volunteer opportunities. There are so many options as far as how much time you want to commit and what you'd like to do. If you don't like kids, that's cool, there are nursing homes, animal shelters, even picking up trash in a neighborhood! Friends, pick a hobby of yours and find a volunteer opportunity that matches it.

Common Gripe #2: "I can't get away from work and my weekends are too packed!" I told my boss that I have this commitment during my job interview and she was thrilled to let me go. Not only that, but she didn't want me to use that time as lunch! She wanted me to volunteer and THEN go to lunch. If you don't have a boss that is willing to let you go out into the community and do some good and be a positive representation of your organization, then your boss sucks and you need to look for a new job. If you absolutely can't steal away from "The Man" then carve out some time in your selfishly busy weekend and do something. Even if it's just once a month!

There are also civic groups to join and get involved with service. Kiwanis is a good one. Many Young Professional organizations have a big focus on service. I'm going to my first Young Variety event this weekend. It's like the Variety Club, but for people in their 20s and 30s and we only work with children's organizations such as Special Olympics or Boys and Girls Club. I think I'm going to be tasked with building bicycles on Saturday, so say a prayer for the poor kids that will be pedalin' around on my handiwork!

Me with some of the best Habitat-ers ever in a neighborhood I helped build!

Common Gripe #3: "I don't feel like I'm making a difference!" I can see how shoveling food on trays in a soup kitchen can be tedious and you don't really see that what you're doing is making a difference. The 'squeaky wheels' are always going to gripe about something with a sense of entitlement, but take a look around that kitchen and find a few kids that are gobbling up that food. Or a young mom. Or an elderly person. Look around for the good. Now, if you want an opportunity where you get more bang for your proverbial buck, I suggest Habitat for Humanity. I must say I'm a little bias, but after one day working on a house, you can see that you put together the wall framing and raised all four walls, maybe some interior walls, whatever. You can SEE the difference that you made. You can talk to the family that will be living in the home because they are required to work side by side with the volunteers on something called "sweat equity" in lieu of a down payment. You can see for yourself how grateful they are and twenty years down the road, you can drive past that house and say, look at that. I helped build someone's home. It's the most gratifying feeling in the world.

When you help others and you see the impact that's made on their life, you tend to be a happier person. Your quality of life increases. Be happy and live up to ol' Churchill's quote: We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give."

Asheville lovin'

Once upon a time there was a magical place surrounded by mountains. The air was fresh, the people were friendly and it was small enough so there wasn't over crowding or even rush hour. Around every corner was something new, even if you'd been to that same corner a hundred times. People there cared about the environment, voiced their opinions freely with no judgement from others and music was all around. The city was a wonderful, eclectic place with so much to offer...including the title of Beer City.

Friends, as you know I lived in Asheville, NC for a year while working with Habitat for Humanity. I feel like I should follow up my Iowa blog with a tiny blog about my other home, Asheville, NC. You see, I'm an Iowa girl through and through and to be honest, I'd grown up with a vaguely low opinion of the south. But a very dear friend, Ms. Erica Shanks, told me about this job and by the grace of God I took it! I was scared and lonely for a long time once I moved out there, but it became home to me and it now has a huge chunk of my heart. Have you ever fallen in love with a city? I lived in Kansas City for a year and a half and although it was great because I had friends there and it was relatively close to home, I never felt like it was home. Asheville is a laid-back, homey town that I love like crazy!

Katee and me at Sliding Rock

In the picture, you'll see me at Sliding Rock when my friend Katee came to visit from KC. Yes friends, it's a HUGE rock that people slide down and into a deep pool of water. All natural. On that trip, we also went to a waterfall and swam in clear, cool, drinkable mountain water. On any given day you can find hiking, biking, swimming, camping, SOMETHING to do.

That same weekend, we sat on a patio at a bar downtown and we saw a bagpiper, a travelling frisbee golf game and people dancing in a window above us. You just never know what you're going to run into when you're there. For a town of 70,000, it's pretty diverse. There is a drum circle downtown ever Friday night. Nearby, there are street performers which includes a girl that twirls around hula hoops that light up.

Cassi, Jennie, Gigi and me.

I also met a few close friends there. Gigi is a crazy Argentinian that came up to me while I was working and straight up asked me, "Do you wanna be my friend?" What do you say?! I felt like a kid on the playground. Yes, we became friends and she introduced me to Cassi and Jennie. Kelli was introduced to me by Jennie and she was the final addition to my group in Asheville. Kelli actually let me live with her for two weeks while I was in transition! We created Champagne Wednesdays and sat outside and talked for hours. These girls became "my girls" and we all hung out and became a little family.

Kelli and me!

Asheville was a lots of "firsts" for me too.... first road race, first mountain top hike, first fundrasing event that I organized, first time trying tofu bacon, first true vintage shop purchases, the list could go on forever. I guess part of me loves it so much because I grew as a person so much in Asheville. I feel like I'm a lot less judgemental, more accepting and also more laid back. I have my freak-out moments like everyone else, but I mellowed a lot after my time in Asheville! My friend Katee described Asheville as a "Utopia" and that's a perfect word for a place that I'd leave my heart. Love Iowa. Love Asheville. Totally different and totally awesome!

Good ol' Iowayy

Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm a big fan of my home state, Iowa. I brought some friends to Iowa when I was in college and the whole weekend kept telling them cool things about what they were seeing. They tease me mercilessly to this day about me being a tour guide. Well, I think you should know a little bit about where you are visiting or living-- it gives you a sense of ownership and enhances the whole experience. A friend of mine finally said, "For everything that Iowa is not, the people from there are so proud of their home state. It's ridiculous." First of all, there are only a FEW things that Iowa is not, like known for its mountain views and fantastic skiing. The part about Iowans being proud of their state made me begin to notice the reactions of Iowans when you talk about their state.

First, it should be said that we aren't crazy, corn-loving wackos. We are also not like the residents of some southern states who reinact Civil War Battles and obsess over the history rather than the future.

So, to better educate you on the goodness of Iowa, I've listed a few things to ponder:

1. Let's start simple...open up your pantry. A lot of what you see is from Iowa. Quaker Oats, Tones Spices and Blue Bunny Ice Cream are all based here. Maytag used to be based here and Winnebago is based here. President Eisenhower said, "Iowa can survive without the united States, but the United States cannot survive without Iowa."

2. The famous people that are from Iowa or have Iowa connections is pretty amazing. Mamie Dowd Eisenhower (Yep, Dwight D.'s wife), Bob Feller, Kurt Warner, Donna Reed, Ann Landers and Dear Abby, John Wayne, Glenn Miller, Meredith Willson (who wrote "The Music Man," Ashton Kutcher, Elijah Wood, William Frawley (Fred from 'I Love Lucy') and President Herbert Hoover are from Iowa. Gene Wilder, yes Willy Wonka, went to the University of Iowa and George Washington Carver went to Iowa State. If you don't know who some of those people are, I suggest you read up on them. They are all very influential in areas of politics, entertainment and sports.  

3. College Athletics. Friends, most people would say that Iowa isn't great because we don't have a professional sports team. I beg to differ. Yes, it's true that we don't have the professional athletics that other states do. We have college football and some minor league stuff. But, the Iowa vs. Iowa State game is epic every year. The rivalry is year round and state-wide. However, should you leave the state and you happen to see someone wearing ISU or Iowa gear, you want to hug them regardless of your preference. You feel more connected to them like they are a part of your extended family. In fact, there's a chance you have mutaul friends. I actually have a story about this: I was in California for my internship in the summer of 2007 and I was trying to navigate the public transporation system there. On the train deck on my first day of work, I look over and there wa an older gentleman with an Iowa shirt on. I immediately felt comfortable asking him if I was in the right place for this train. We got to talking and his daughter went to my college! Crazy small world! Who needs pro ball when you have your Hawkeye or Cyclone family?

4. Family Values. I've done a lot of travelling. Not as much as some, but more than most. My dad was in the Army and lived all over the country and in parts of Europe. I love to travel but there is something really wonderful about coming to the Midwest. It's offensive when people don't wave after you've let them in to traffic. We say smile and say hello to random people we pass. We. Are. Polite. My brother is in the Marine Corps and has really travelled all over. He will most likely never be a resident of the Midwest again but every time he returns for a visit, he is floored by how nice everyone is. It's true-- we're the nicest people ever.

5. We don't have much by way of tourism, but the Iowa State Fair is pretty stinking fun. As hoaky as it seems, could YOU carve a cow out of butter? No. There is food that will probably give you Type 2 Diabetes if over-consumed, big name artists, rednecks and country folk, drinking, dancing and hogs. Typing this it all sounds very back woods, but remember that it's the BIGGEST state fair in the country. I grew up thinking they were all that large and then I went to Missouri's. What a sad, sad comparison. A musical has been written about us, State Fair, and media from all over the country cover the Fair every. Not so redneck anymore, eh? Our state fair is better than your state fair (neener neener neeeeennnerrrrr)

6. Computers-- In the 1930s, a very early version of the computer was developed at what was then Iowa State College. COMPUTERS! What would you do today without one? You certainly wouldn't be reading this gem of a blog without one. You can thank Iowans for that.

7. John Tinker vs. Des Moines School Board-- In the 60s, some Des Moines high school students were banned from wearing arm bands to school in protest of the Vietnam war. It moved to the Supreme Court and was determined Freedom of Speech. Little known fact: John Tinker went to my high school. Woot! I imagine Lady Gaga wouldn't be wearing the crap she does (sorry, ART) had a decision like this had not been made. Now, between then and now, I'm sure SOMETHING would have come up, but Iowa made it's mark on history.

8. Grant Wood- You know that famous portrait of the farmer with his with and a pitchfork in from of their farmhouse? That artist is Grant Wood... Iowan. His work depicts classic Iowa history. Check it out... http://www.grantwoodartgallery.org/

9. Des Moines is not boring. One of the biggest arguments for Des Moines (and I hear it ALL the time) is that Des Moines is boring and there's nothing to do. On the contrary, we have live shows almost every week, theater, art galleries, the Science Center, a baseball, basketball, arena football, hockey AND a roller derby team, bar districts, a few large shopping areas and parks galore. I like to say we have everything a bigger city, like KC or Chicago has, just on a smaller, better level. Small town feel. I love it.

10. Living Hisotry Farms... this is awesome. It's a lliving museum of three farms in Iowa's history. People there work the land, churn butter, etc. There's a little town with stores and people working there too, all in period costume. Their education and entertainment efforts are like none I've ever seen anywhere else. Very cool! http://www.lhf.org/

Check it out for yourself if you don't believe me-- Iowa's a great place. :)

Goooooaaallll!!!!

I haven't blogged in a few days (ok, ok-- it's been about a week) and in that time, I've done some thinking. I must warn you that the following may be explained in a roundabout, at times confusing way, but here goes.

Folks, goals are important. I find myself charged up and motivated when I'm around someone that has high standards for themselves and is always thinking of the future. It's an attractive quality in a person. I hung out with an old friend from high school last night. He is 26 and has 2 degrees. One is in finance or economics--something that makes my head hurt-- and the other is nursing. He didn't particularly think about nursing or have a desire to do it, but he was in a few car accidents in a short time and decided that life is too short -- so he wanted to help people. There are lots of ways to help people that won't bury you in debt, but go big or go home, right? In the next few years, he's thinking of going to the military to go through Officer Candidate School. 

Anyway, while talking to him and catching up on each other's lives in the last (ahem) 10 years, I realized that goal oriented people are just plain awesome. It was like night and day talking to him and talking to the last guy I dated. They both had goals, but the last guy's goals were vague... not as concrete.Therefore, easier to slack on. It reminds me of a PR class I took in college. We talked about strategies and tactics and we were supposed to list a task, or a goal in this case, and then ways to accomplish that goal. It's just like life! You want to lose 20 pounds? Ok, great goal-- but don't stop there-- HOW are you going to do that!? Something to ponder since a lot of people get very frustrated when the Goal Gods don't magically smile down on them and their desires aren't fulfilled. "I can't understand why I haven't lost weight!" Well, more 'cheat' days than healthy days certainly didn't help. Heeeerrre's your sign.

Also, the other thing I've been thinking a lot about is a person's character. I often wish life was like that movie, Shallow Hal, where Jack Black's character could only see a person for who they are and not what they look like. Wouldn't that be wonderful!? You meet someone, in a friend situation, dating, whatever, and then there's a falling out of some sort. When things get hard, are they there for you? Did they REALLY care about you to begin with if they aren't there for you now? Admittedly, I am not a person to generally stay in touch or even talk to my ex boyfriends. There is one though that is a great friend. In fact just a few short weeks after we broke up (and THAT wasn't pretty) my Grandma died. He was there for me and has been there for me several times since then. That's not just for the bad things, but the good things too. He WANTS me to be happy in whatever I do. Just because things don't work out the way you envision them, doesn't mean that you are at a loss. You could gain a lot too. God's plans are crazy awesome.

But back to the real point-- if a person cares for you and then isn't there for you for whatever reason, it leads you believe that they only did nice things for you in the first place because they somehow benefitted from it. Lame. People sometimes really REALLY suck. But, then again, most people are pretty great. You have to weed out those crappy people of poor character from your life and stop trying to hang on to what you THOUGHT you wanted with them. Surround yourself with people that you respect and want to be like and half similar goals. Let all the other stuff go. Move on. Be a better person because of it.

I'm white and...

...I like rap music. I was raised in a neighborhood where there were drive-bys (is that hyphenated?) and I haven't owned a bike since I was 6 because they always got stolen in my neighborhood. Believe it or not, I was the minority in my high school. No one expects anyone from my high school to have done anything with their lives but I'm college educated, can form a complete sentence and I don't have a parole officer. I'd say I'm a Polar Bear success story.

You see the sterotypes all the time... the asian that is a terrible driver but fantastic at figuring out electronics. The white person who can't dance (actually, I live up to that one) but who is naively friendly to everyone? The black person that is cousins with every other black person you meet and can cook crazy good fried chicken? Yeah yeah, don't be offended, friends... we've been there. I mean, stereotypes exist for a reason... there are people that live up to them!

Then you meet the people who proudly live up to everything negative their stereotype says about them... the bigotted white guy who lives in a trailer, the black guy who's got a grill and a few illegitimate children with a few different baby mamas, the hispanic person that doesn't speak a word of English except to hit on you... we've been there too!

After meeting that second type of person, I know I feel bad for thinking the worst of them. But then they live up to it and I leave the situation shaking my head wondering WHY they are like that?! Why do people live up to stereotypes? These are the same people that complain about the stereotype itself! I love meeting people that aren't living up to their stereotype. They are typically people that have a lot of self respect and want to better themselves. They can recognize the negative stereotype and distinguish why it's negative. There are others who don't even realize what the stereotype is and why something they do gives people a negative outlook of them.

What's your stereotype? I wear my fair share of scarves (http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/) and want to raise my kids to be bilingual like thousands of other white people, but there are things about me that are atypical, and I like that. (Brace yourself for a hoaky motivational speaker-esque comment:) Today, try not living up to your stereotype and highlight the unique quality that makes you, you!

An experiment worth pondering...

Friends, pay attention to this post because I'm going to want some feedback on this one! I'm at sort of a crossroads right now, which is what I'm told 'your 20s are all about.' Well, that may be so, but the same people that say that are the same people that ask me 'what I'm waiting for' to get married and asking me why there's no man in my life. Just the other day, an older family member and I were chatting and he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that ALL my siblings are married and I'm not. I'm sure I should take it as a compliment that they can't believe I'm not snatched up already, but I don't. At this point, it's just condescending and kind of rude. Isn't there more to life?

From my observation, there are 4 types of girls my age when it comes to dating:
   1. The kind that try tirlessly and put themselves out there endlessly. They date different types of guys just to see what types are compatible with them. There is always the promise of happiness in the back of their heads (DAMN you, Disney!), however with every break up, that fades a little bit. Might I add that's a classic set up for cat lady spinsters everywhere.
   2. The kind that settle early, meeting a guy and sticking with him no matter what, even though they don't really seem to be crazy about him. Did you know 30% of women walk down the aisle knowing that they aren't walking towards the right guy? THIRTY percent! These women want to make things work because they'd rather be settled than single. But are they really HAPPY? A lot of them put on a great show if they aren't. I truly hope they are, but I've already had a handful of friends get divorved.
   3. The kind that find the love of their life and settle down. These couples are typically the most smug and act like they can't even a remember their single days, like it was a horrible memory they have to block out.
  4. The kind that are normal and seamlessly settle down with a guy they are truly happy with. There aren't many of these, but I know a few.

I'll give you one guess as to which one I am.

My point is, and I'm even proving it right now, that SO many people obsess about relationships! Being single, while fun, is a constant question mark and sometimes very tiring. After my most recent relationship ended, I was talking to one of my best friends about how much I missed this guy. I KNOW that this guy isn't right for me. He isn't my "cake." Yet, I still obsess over why I can't make it work with him. My friend suggested that I take a year off from men. Cold turkey, just give 'em up and work on myself. This would be a great opportunity to work on myself and my goals, including my 30 x 30 list.

Before I go any further, let me explain my comment above about my "cake." A very wise friend of mine who listens to my love laments all the time (bless you, for that, by the way) asked me once if I would eat a cake that hadn't been fully cooked. Food analogies are awesome. Of course, I said I wouldn't. Then he said that I need to trust God to be the baker and know that He's baking me an awesome cake that isn't quite done yet. I think of that often.

Ok, back to my story. So-- I laid in bed last night weighing the pros and cons of this idea of not dating for a year. The terms would include no dating and nothing physical. Just focusing on myself and my goals. Is it ridiculous for me to "find myself" like a lot of spoiled college kids that take a year off backpacking around Europe to do the same? Am I throwing away a year of prime dating time? I fell asleep last night thinking about it and it's the first thing on my mind this morning. I'm hoping to glean a little advice out of you guys, so please help! Thoughts, comments, questions, SHOOT!

Happy Friday and long weekend!

A little self-affirmation never hurts

Well folks, in my last entry, I spoke about a 'guy in my life.' That guy is no longer in my life and some other things haven't been going as planned. I haven't posted an entry lately because I don't want to just bitch about men and being single and how decision-making is so difficult. That's not what this blog is about. Talking to a great friend today, it was suggested that I do a little self-affirmation and write about things I DO like about myself. It's a simple trick, but it's easy to get down on yourself when things aren't going your way and this is a great way to combat it. Please understand, this isn't an opporunity to brag on how perfectly wonderful I am; it's simply reminding myself of some of the great things about me. I'm writing it and posting it as a reminder to do the same thing for yourselves every so often. So-- here goes:

1. Let's get the physical stuff out of the way first-- my hair and my smile. My hair is long and thick and I can do a ton of stuff with it. It's lightens in the summer and I love that. My smile is hard-earned after a longer-than-normal awkward phase of braces and other corrective metal, but it looks great now.

2. My taste in music. My sister borrowed my iPod once and put it on shuffle. She told me that my iPod is 'just a bunch of random awesome-ness.' I have older parents so their musical tastes rubbed off on me with greats like Buddy Holly, The Beatles, The Temptations, etc.. I got into John Mayer, Dave Matthews and Jack Johnson in college--plus a little country because I went to school in small-town Missouri. I lived in the mountains for a year and bluegrass is a big part of my shuffle now, which I never thought I'd like. I also have those guilty pleasures from middle school and high school that include NSYNC, Hanson, and the occasional gangsta rap song. Yeah. I said it. And I can't believe my mother let me listen to some of that stuff!

3. My need to be a better person. There are people that are totally fine with their lives the way they are. Then there are people like me who always want to do something different. My 30 x 30 list is a perfect example of goals I have for myself. Not everyone has that. This is not to say that I'm mapping out my life; I just want to be a well-rounded person with healthy interests. Something outside of bar-hopping and meeting guys.

4. Cooking. I will readily admit that I'm not the best cook in the world. But, I like to do it and when I do, the dishes don't come out half bad. Occasionally, I'll even get a compliment or two out of someone. My friend Katee loves my scrambled eggs and my rice krispie chicken. My friend Andrea loves how I make popcorn. My mom loves my honey mustard chicken. They are all simple things, but I like to make them and they make other people happy.

5. Creativity. In high school and college I really got into scrapbooking. Say all the old lady jokes you want, but it was calming, thereaputic, almost. I also enjoy creative projects at work and looking at things from a different angle. It's fun and I love doing it. Photography is a love of mine too, although all I have is a digitial camera. It's fun to snap pictures of my nieces and nephews or of completely inanimate things. I love to see the finished product.

6. Good Friend. I have been very blessed to have groups of friends from different areas of my life. I left high school with 6 good girlfriends. In college, as I've mentioned before, I left with 4 new sisters. Since college I have met friends that have had a major impact on my life. I try to make sure these people know that I appreciate them and how they affect my life. I'm a big card sender... usually a birthday/Christmas girl, but sometimes a card 'just because' is a great surprise amongst the bills in the mail.

7. My need to serve and give back to the community. Just since I moved back to the city, I've started volunteering, joined a gym and became a board member on my city's chapter of my college alumni organization. I also am trying to plan a fund raising event for a vocal group in town and and joining Young Variety-- a group of 20s and 30s that volunteer around the city to help children's organizations. I believe that if you are completely happy with yourself, then at least you can make someone else happier in the process. If you aren't happy, volunteering is a great way to get you happy. Either way, everybody wins. It's called civic duty, people!



My family on vacation last summer!



8. My relationship with my family. I have two brothers, two sisters, their spouses and a half brother. Collectively we live in 3 states. Normally a family this size is dysfunctional and non-communicative. At times we are dysfunctional, but no one can say we are non-communicative. At any time I know that I can call them and they can help with a problem or share in good news. It's a great support network. I also have 4 awesome nephews and 2 gorgeous nieces ranging in age from 7 years to 4 months. When I can, I go to all their school shows, baseball games, etc. We play pirates, dress-up, Twister and board games. I don't ever recall my aunt or uncles being around for that stuff and I'm happy I can do that for my kiddos.

9. Intelligent conversations. I will admit that I am not the most knowledgable person in the world on any subject, but I watch the news and keep up on the happenings in this crazy world! So, if someone were to ask me a question, I not only wouldn't be completely clueless, but I could offer some feedback. Bonus points for understanding politics and who's who in that world. I am from a very conservative background and my college friends are very liberal, so there's a balance. By that, I mean that I'm often outnumbered and shunned for voicing my opinion. However, I'm a political independent and I like to offer a little of the conservative side to liberals and vice versa to bring them back to center. What was that stereotype about the dumb blonde again?

10. Humor. 9 times out of 10, I can see the humor in just about anything. I'm one of those people that thinks of something amazingly witty after the fact so I'm not always quick with the snappy comebacks, but seeing the humor in things and taking them in stride is important. I wasn't always like this and everything was a big stressful problem, but I'm learning to take a step back and see it for what it is-- part of life! Usually they are hilarious.

Ok-- Those are 10 things and admittedly, I had to ask for some help on a few of those, but that just shows how important it is to look at yourself positively regularly. Amazingly, I feel much better than I did when I started writing this entry!

Disney ruins relationships!



Shawna and I putting our heads together for some brilliant ideas

Disney ruins relationships. Yep, I said it. My friend Shawna and I were talking about the men in our lives tonight and appreciating the romantic things they do. Nothing big and grandiose, but appreciated nontheless. However, we've both had men in our lives (ok, ALL of us have) that are romance illiterate. Guys that don't get why doing sweet things for the woman in your life is important or even necessary. Guys, I wish I could say that it's just in our blood: we need it to survive. Unfortunately, that's not it. It's nurture, not nature, that brings us to where we are as women in the way that we crave romance.

I blame Disney. A few weeks ago, I was watching Tangled with my 5 year old niece, Sophia. At several times during the movie I looked over at Sophia. She was grinning from ear to ear with this dreamy look in her eye and at that moment, I knew she was ruined. She, like thousands of other girls before her, idealized and, well, romanticized romance. The prince riding in on a horse isn't real! Cinderella didn't REALLY live happily ever after, right? I mean, what did she do with the rest of her life?! Of course, it's a story and as an adult I can seperate that, but children can't and by the time they can, it's way too late. They have their whole future planned out and it inevitably includes a handsome prince rescuing her from what's sure to be a crummy life. Part of me wanted to tell her that, but what good would it have done to a five year old? What good does it do for a 25 year old? None.

Fast forward to being in your mid-twenties and trying to date. I'm realistic enough to know that the handsome prince rarely exists and life isn't all romance and flowers. But, is it too much to ask for a little lovin'? It's SO hard to find a man to do anything romantic that when one does something that's not overly cheesy, we act shocked!

To add insult to injury, women learn over time through experience that most men want One Thing. We get bogged down by this and turn a bit cynical over time. Our guard is always up and it takes a very special person to get our defenses lowered. Because of that, sometimes romance is a turnoff! Really!? We think their intentions aren't honorable if they show their romantic side. We crave the attention and then are turned off when we get it! We are raised with idealism only to have it completely crushed by real life and we can't find the happy medium. It makes no sense. We are told to never ever settle, but we also know that no one is perfect. Doesn't that give these poor guys impossible standards?

So, I urge you...if a guy doesn't automatically sweep you off your feet by sending you flowers, writing you poems and telling you that you are gorgeous every second, don't completely write him off. Give guys a chance and they may come through. It gives a little truth to the song Someday My Prince Will Come...

College: friend or foe?



At my FAVORITE bar in my college town!

I'm one of those people that loved high school. I was involved, got good grades, had a close group of friends and a great relationship with my teachers. College wasn't any different-- I was/did all of the aforementioned things, but also had a great time partying it up with my friends.



As a senior in high school, I remember telling one of my teachers which college I chose to attend. He looked startled and said, "Whoa, that's a party school." That was proven to me the very first weekend when I went to a house party with the girls on my floor. The party was nothing very memorable. We were just scared little 18 year olds with no clue of what college had in store for us.

Many people say that college was the best time of their lives. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED college and I often miss the laid back atmosphere and daily naps just as much as the next person. I miss falling out of bed 5 minutes before class and going to class in sweatpants. (Oddly I also miss group meetings in the library and at various places on campus to work on projects, but don't tell any of my professors that.) [college=friend]

What I don't miss is the crazy lifestyle I lived. Drinking all the time, eating like complete crap and making really terrible decisions. The better part of my sophomore, junior and ok, my senior years are a little hazy. [college=foe] I'm lucky that my irresponibility didn't make any big life decisions for me, but it DID help shape who I am today and the decisions I make today. I guess, in that way, you could say college was life-altering.

I know now that I don't want to be a girl that drinks all the time. I like to drink, but I've grown out of that drinking-to-get-drunk phase. I like a few good beers (not that cheap, watered-down domestic stuff, mind you) or a stiff drink every so often. Occasionally I go a little crazy, but It's not near what it was in college. I HATE shots and you won't see me doing beer bongs or keg stands anymore. That's when the habits from college rear their ugly heads.  

You may be thinking, ok, Laura, that's normal, it's called growing up. Well, I thought so too, until I realized that most single folk my age drink like Germans at Oktoberfest. I was told recently that I should 'relax' and 'just have a good time! You're single.' One person actually said, "What else is there to do?" Listen, friends, I have a GREAT time and I don't have to get hammered to do it. Just because I'm single doesn't give me a ticket to frequent the bars a few times a week. Also, when these single 20-somethings DO settle down, they all say that they won't party as much, yada yada yada. How do you KNOW?! You'll settle down and your lifestyle will be completely disrupted by normalcy, something you're not used to or ready for, and then what?! Isn't the post-college time supposed to be about growing into who you want to be? Obvious answer: yes.

I read an article about a girl that decided to quit drinking because it was influencing poor decisions when her inhibitions were lowered. She is a single girl and the article was about how it completely altered her dating life...and not by her choice. Some guys were freaked out by it, saying they didn't trust a girl that doesn't drink and some would just never call her again. Interesting, since all these guys claim to be looking for someone to marry when clearly they only want a one-night thing.

Before you all start thinking that I'm some prententious ass on my high horse, please know that I don't care if you drink, because I do. Please know that I don't judge your decisons, because I make bad ones all the time. I just recognize that the party lifestyle isn't for me and I'm working towards a life built on other things.

Shawna, me, Jess, Erica and,
on the bottom, Katee and Alexis.

To answer the question asked in my headline: College is a friend! I learned a lot from my time there and I left with amazing memories and experiences. I made some of the best friends of my life while there, Shawna, Erica, Jess and Katee are my sisters from school and they are my go-to girls for so many things in life. I still talk regularly to my college advisor and I've made amazing connections through my former classmates. Now I'm trying to love this chapter of my life!!