Breakin' up is hard to do

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the idea of friendship and what that means. To some, a friend is a shoulder to cry on. To others, it's a movie buddy. It's a confidant for secrets. It's a drinking buddy. For me, it's all of those things and a lot more. It's someone you keep in touch with even when you aren't together all the time. It's someone you let vent to you just because she's mad. You share in her joy when great things happen and you share her sadness or anger when bad things come along. You go through life together. I have been been blessed to have some good friends in my life; some that I thought would be around for years to come. But those relationships have dwindled some and we don't share a lot in common any more. No matter how many attempts to just 'hang out' are made, they make no effort in return. So, we just aren't close. It's a sad friend break-up. I hate to see it.

Women's Health Magazine writes, "The unique and emotional bond between women is about more than connecting with other women. These relationships can also have an impact on women's health." It's important for women to keep up their relationships with their female friends because it keeps them in touch with their emotions, reduces stress levels and reminds us of who we were before Tom, Dick or Harry came into the picture. They are important. I've been realizing lately that a lot of friends that I thought were close aren't so much. It's not the "hey we never talk but we'll always just pick up where we left off" kind of friendships I'm talking about. It's the 'we were friends in high school and we fell like we need to put on airs to keep up that image." To these friends, I wish you all the very best and I'll be here for you no matter what. Unfortunately, we just don't have anything in common anymore.



Jess and me



On the flip side, I do have a few close "sisters." The "hey we rarely talk but we'll always just pick up where we left off" friends. These are the great kind. One such friend is my friend Jess. I was in her wedding in September and we've been friend since college. I get to hang out with her this weekend when we return to our college town for Homecoming. Even though she's married, owns a home, and works a lot, we still catch up and exchange some emails weekly.

Me on the Right, Erica front 'n' center in Mexico!

Another such friend is my dear friend Erica. We met in Mexico, of all places. She was going to school in South Carolina and in a week's time, I had planted the idea of her transferring to my school. That fall she came for a visit and my the following spring, she had moved north! Fast forward a few years and one phone call from her convinced me to move to North Carolina to join the AmeriCorps. I changed her life in college, she changed my life after college, but I have a feeling we'll be doing that to each other for years to come. She's an amazing person. She's not able to come to Homecoming this weekend, and when I talked to her yesterday, she relayed to me exactly what I was thinking. "I have my girl friends here but they aren't you guys, ya know?" Every girl should have that group of 'you guys.' I may not have as many close friends as I thought, but I do have a few and I am a very lucky girl.

Update on the 30 x 30

After my last blog, I looked at my 30 x 30 list again. It was written back in May and I'm proud to report that a few things have either been completed or some progress has been made on them!

3. Journal about my life every week-- Ok, maybe I don't journal (blog) EVERY week, but monthly is a great way to record my life happenings, right? I'll try to be better about it!

4. Get Baptized-- I did that in March. One of my better moments in the last year!

5. Attend Church Regularly/grow in my relationship with God-- I've been attending a church and with the exception of most of the summer because of travelling, I've been going every week! Love it... it provides so much fulfillment.

7. Run a half marathon every year or 3 5ks-- SO far I've run 1 5k this year... I need to make more progess on this!

10. Volunteer Regularly- CHECK! Although this is an ongoing life goal. I read to a little girl at a school every week during the school year. Woo!

13. Read the whole Bible-- I recently started in Genesis. I learned these things from when I was a kid, but to go back and read it as an adult is so fun. It's also tedious. :)

17. Learn to change a tire and jump a car- I'm going to learn that in December at a work event!

25. Learn how to French Braid weaving in. I learned it!!!!! AND I can do a waterfall braid. Woo!

30. Go to Oktoberfest. I've always wanted to go to THE Oktoberfest in Germany, but any Oktoberfest will do! Randy and I went to Galena, Illinois last weekend and stumbled upon the Oktoberfest. I accidentally completed a goal of mine which just means that it was meant to be. They had a "weiner dog race" and local beer and of course, polka music! It was a great time and Galena is beautiful!!

Wanted: Adventure

my now UK friend, Kate!

Friends, as you know, one of my best friends lives in South Korea and is trekking all over the Far East (Does that mean she's having a Far East Movement? hmm). Another good friend of mine moved to the UK today and I can't help but feel not only jealous, but also very trapped in my current situation. I know, I know... I can't compare my life to other's lives and I get that, but I need an adventure in my life. Here I sit, in a cubicle that literally has piles of paper on it, listening to my co-workers in other cubicles talk and sometimes cry, yes CRY, about how terrible their job is. I might as well just start shuffling around asking if anyone has 'seen my stapler.'

Meanwhile, my friends who have helped shape who I am as a person are off globetrotting and having amazing experiences. Again, I shouldn't compare my life to others because as my boyfriend sweetly reminded me, everyone's paths are different. Except, right now, my path feels like a dead end while theirs is going up mountains and it's hard not to compare yourself to those that have influenced your life so much. 

I need an adventure in my life, pronto. 



Big Adventurers Shawna and Erica



The thing is-- it's not completely selfish of me to want something different. I plan to have children one day and I want them to look at me as someone who's traveled, seen and experienced out-of-the-ordinary things. Someone who's view of the world is broad and not stuck in a tunnel. Who's live didn't end because it was time to settle down and have kids or whatever that "next step" is. I want them to be proud of their mom! And right now, life is dull.

I have a boyfriend that is amazing, but I don't want to be that girl who defines her happiness on a man, nor do I think my boyfriend wants that type of girl. Happiness should be found within yourself and not in another person. I think I need to revisit my 30 x 30 list and remember to focus on my goals!!! I'm hoping to glean a little of your guidance, friends, on this subject. Thoughts? Suggestions on what I should do in my 30 x 30 list?