Breakin' up is hard to do

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the idea of friendship and what that means. To some, a friend is a shoulder to cry on. To others, it's a movie buddy. It's a confidant for secrets. It's a drinking buddy. For me, it's all of those things and a lot more. It's someone you keep in touch with even when you aren't together all the time. It's someone you let vent to you just because she's mad. You share in her joy when great things happen and you share her sadness or anger when bad things come along. You go through life together. I have been been blessed to have some good friends in my life; some that I thought would be around for years to come. But those relationships have dwindled some and we don't share a lot in common any more. No matter how many attempts to just 'hang out' are made, they make no effort in return. So, we just aren't close. It's a sad friend break-up. I hate to see it.

Women's Health Magazine writes, "The unique and emotional bond between women is about more than connecting with other women. These relationships can also have an impact on women's health." It's important for women to keep up their relationships with their female friends because it keeps them in touch with their emotions, reduces stress levels and reminds us of who we were before Tom, Dick or Harry came into the picture. They are important. I've been realizing lately that a lot of friends that I thought were close aren't so much. It's not the "hey we never talk but we'll always just pick up where we left off" kind of friendships I'm talking about. It's the 'we were friends in high school and we fell like we need to put on airs to keep up that image." To these friends, I wish you all the very best and I'll be here for you no matter what. Unfortunately, we just don't have anything in common anymore.



Jess and me



On the flip side, I do have a few close "sisters." The "hey we rarely talk but we'll always just pick up where we left off" friends. These are the great kind. One such friend is my friend Jess. I was in her wedding in September and we've been friend since college. I get to hang out with her this weekend when we return to our college town for Homecoming. Even though she's married, owns a home, and works a lot, we still catch up and exchange some emails weekly.

Me on the Right, Erica front 'n' center in Mexico!

Another such friend is my dear friend Erica. We met in Mexico, of all places. She was going to school in South Carolina and in a week's time, I had planted the idea of her transferring to my school. That fall she came for a visit and my the following spring, she had moved north! Fast forward a few years and one phone call from her convinced me to move to North Carolina to join the AmeriCorps. I changed her life in college, she changed my life after college, but I have a feeling we'll be doing that to each other for years to come. She's an amazing person. She's not able to come to Homecoming this weekend, and when I talked to her yesterday, she relayed to me exactly what I was thinking. "I have my girl friends here but they aren't you guys, ya know?" Every girl should have that group of 'you guys.' I may not have as many close friends as I thought, but I do have a few and I am a very lucky girl.

Update on the 30 x 30

After my last blog, I looked at my 30 x 30 list again. It was written back in May and I'm proud to report that a few things have either been completed or some progress has been made on them!

3. Journal about my life every week-- Ok, maybe I don't journal (blog) EVERY week, but monthly is a great way to record my life happenings, right? I'll try to be better about it!

4. Get Baptized-- I did that in March. One of my better moments in the last year!

5. Attend Church Regularly/grow in my relationship with God-- I've been attending a church and with the exception of most of the summer because of travelling, I've been going every week! Love it... it provides so much fulfillment.

7. Run a half marathon every year or 3 5ks-- SO far I've run 1 5k this year... I need to make more progess on this!

10. Volunteer Regularly- CHECK! Although this is an ongoing life goal. I read to a little girl at a school every week during the school year. Woo!

13. Read the whole Bible-- I recently started in Genesis. I learned these things from when I was a kid, but to go back and read it as an adult is so fun. It's also tedious. :)

17. Learn to change a tire and jump a car- I'm going to learn that in December at a work event!

25. Learn how to French Braid weaving in. I learned it!!!!! AND I can do a waterfall braid. Woo!

30. Go to Oktoberfest. I've always wanted to go to THE Oktoberfest in Germany, but any Oktoberfest will do! Randy and I went to Galena, Illinois last weekend and stumbled upon the Oktoberfest. I accidentally completed a goal of mine which just means that it was meant to be. They had a "weiner dog race" and local beer and of course, polka music! It was a great time and Galena is beautiful!!

Wanted: Adventure

my now UK friend, Kate!

Friends, as you know, one of my best friends lives in South Korea and is trekking all over the Far East (Does that mean she's having a Far East Movement? hmm). Another good friend of mine moved to the UK today and I can't help but feel not only jealous, but also very trapped in my current situation. I know, I know... I can't compare my life to other's lives and I get that, but I need an adventure in my life. Here I sit, in a cubicle that literally has piles of paper on it, listening to my co-workers in other cubicles talk and sometimes cry, yes CRY, about how terrible their job is. I might as well just start shuffling around asking if anyone has 'seen my stapler.'

Meanwhile, my friends who have helped shape who I am as a person are off globetrotting and having amazing experiences. Again, I shouldn't compare my life to others because as my boyfriend sweetly reminded me, everyone's paths are different. Except, right now, my path feels like a dead end while theirs is going up mountains and it's hard not to compare yourself to those that have influenced your life so much. 

I need an adventure in my life, pronto. 



Big Adventurers Shawna and Erica



The thing is-- it's not completely selfish of me to want something different. I plan to have children one day and I want them to look at me as someone who's traveled, seen and experienced out-of-the-ordinary things. Someone who's view of the world is broad and not stuck in a tunnel. Who's live didn't end because it was time to settle down and have kids or whatever that "next step" is. I want them to be proud of their mom! And right now, life is dull.

I have a boyfriend that is amazing, but I don't want to be that girl who defines her happiness on a man, nor do I think my boyfriend wants that type of girl. Happiness should be found within yourself and not in another person. I think I need to revisit my 30 x 30 list and remember to focus on my goals!!! I'm hoping to glean a little of your guidance, friends, on this subject. Thoughts? Suggestions on what I should do in my 30 x 30 list?  

Where everybody knows your name...

I know this is off the subject of my personal growth, but a

very dear friend of mine passed and I must express my deep sympathy for the family that was effected as well as grieve on my own. This friend was there for me through thick and thin. To celebrate the good times and to mourn and help me forget the bad. This friend was one that was a friend to many and a stranger to none. This friend loved live music and theme parties. Maybe that's why we got along so well.

This friend is actually The Pub in Maryville, Missouri. This was the only bar in town where you had to be 21 to get in. By the time we got to go to The Pub, it was like an exclusive club-- upperclassmen and the occasional stressed out teacher at the end of the bar. Sadly, the walls to Pub collapsed and fell yesterday. Or, as the newpaper article dramatically details, the walls "gave a final shudder then crumbled into an alley with a loud crash, convincing several onlookers to cover their heads and run for cover." ...Well, duh.

You see, The Pub was not what you'd call 'structurally sound.' The myriad of times I was waiting in line for the bathroom, I noticed a tarp hanging down from a gaping hole in the ceiling. The tarp was holding water that had leaked down from the roof. If a girl slammed the bathroom door, the tarp would threaten to break by shaking a little bit. Bits of the brick wall were crumbling and the floor was an absolute mess. It was FREEZING in the winter, which was sort of an accidental brilliant marketing plan because that just made people drink more. The Pub had chips, salsa and Corona on special on Tuesdays and some pretty amazing live acts coming through. RPI or Towncrier, anyone?

I think what The Pub was most known for were their amazing Halloween parties. The staff picked a themed (one year it was SNL, another it was Pirates) and there was a costume contest with pretty much the greatest grand prize ever for college students: a keg of beer. I met some amazing people at that place and in my last few semesters at school, I learned that drinking and brainstorming ideas for a group project was a great and productive idea, so a group I worked with met there a few times.

Alumni will miss you, Pub!

Prohibition

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last blogged. In the last month, I've taken a vacation, worked A LOT and met a really great guy. I've also fallen out of love with my job.

Well, maybe it wasn't real love to begin with... maybe it was a mild infatuation... either way, I'm over it and it's time to move on. Also, most of the people I work with really hate THEIR jobs too and, on the sly, are looking for something else. Some are actually pretty open about it and discuss it at work. It's pretty bad. Other friends and acquaintances dislike their jobs too! They are looking for something else as well and it's all just a big, vicious circle!

The REAL question is: Why should people be complacent in a job they hate?! Going to work everyday to a job you have zero motivation to complete is not living life!

The thing is, I work almost all the time. Life isn't slowing down and I don't have a ton of time to look for something else. SO-- I came up with an idea. A brilliant one, I may add. Or, maybe it's just stressed-fueled craziness. WHAT IF I pooled all the people I know that hate what their doing and form a little "let's find new jobs" club? Talk to each other about resources, who you know, what you know, etc. etc. I realize for most this is networking but sneaking around to do it seems so... rebellious. It's like the prohibition era for my job. This can be my speakeasy. I gotta get out and make myself happy because if I don't, then who will!? That 30 x 30 list isn't going to complete itself and my job, well, someone else probably has more patience for it.  

Shawna

One of my greatest friends in the whole world is moving across the world tomorrow. Shawna is moving to South Korea to teach English for a year! It's such an exciting opportunity, but I'm going to miss her like CRAZY! You see, Shawna and I met freshman year of college when she lived two doors down from me. We were awkward 18 year olds with no idea what was in store for us for the next few years. In that time, we have almost always been close, spent holidays together, travelled, laughed and cried over guys together and become each other's wingmen. To see the gangly girl in mom jeans (sorry, hun) blossom into to the girl with the infectious smile and hugs that tackle you and move across the world is completely mind boggling and amazing! You will do wonderful things!! I can't begin to express how proud I am of my dear friend.

Last weekend was Shawna's farewell party in Kansas City and we had a great time, but it didn't seem like she was leaving and I wouldn't see her for a whole year. Tonight, I was doing laundry and watching the last episode of Sex and the City on TV. For those of you that don't watch the show, Carrie moved to Paris, away from her best friends. In the end, she comes home and surprises them in a restaurant. I have to say, I choked up. Oddly, watching that scene was the moment it sunk in for me! I am truly blessed to have such a great friend! Well, friends.

I don't want to get to mushy here, because Shawna will have a GREAT time in a GREAT city! I hope to go visit at some point in the year. Here's a great quote I found...
Love Love Love, Shawna-na!

If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page. ---Mark Houlahan

Choices

Have you ever taken a moment to examine the choices you make in just one day? Or even an hour? People think choices are big-- where you go to school, what type of car you drive, who you date; no. I mean, they are important decisions, but small decisions you make can make a difference too. Everyone's life is a series of choices. You hear it all the time, 'Had I not taken this class, I never would have met so-and-so' or 'Had I not taken this route to work, I would have never gotten in a car accident.' The what-ifs in life could go on forever and drive a person crazy! However, you can't help but notice the signifcance that a simple choice could hold.

Unfortunately I don't have a cute story to illustrate this point specifically. I just noticed the other day how many choices you make in a day! What time you wake up, what you wear, what you eat for breakfast, how you drive to work, what you do at work, what to have for lunch, etc. etc. etc. It's truly mind-boggling! What if EVERY choice you made were significant? When I was 17, I decided on the college I would attend. It was never a question for me whether or not I'd go to college, so it was just a matter of deciding. At that age, I was told that it was a very important decision, but it's not one I took super seriously. I wanted a good school that I could have fun at. However, in making that decision, I got a great education, met some of the best friends a girl could ask for and did things that others have never done and probably will never do. Inadvertently, I have made choices that seperate me from these people and made me stand out. Some small choices turn out to be signifcant ones so how would you know what outcomes your choice will have? When I was in 12th grade, I didn't wear my seat belt ONCE and that ONE time, I went through a windshield. Because of that ONE time, I have scars on my forehead and potential trauma behind my eye that effects my sight. With the significance of decisions and choices in question, this begs another question: why would people make bad decisions?!

I've made PLENTY of poor decisions, but had I known the outcome, would I have made them? Probably not. However, it could be argued that those decisions and results helped shape who I am today. Let's take someone who drinks, for example. You drink. You get drunk. You drive. You get into a car accident. Or arrested. Or, you feel so miserable the day (or for a few days, in my case) after that you swear off drinking forever. After a few vows of living a dry life, you KNOW the outcome drinking a lot will have, yet you do it anway. Why? You know the negative outcome!

So, I have a challenege. Just for 1 day, think before you make a decision. Whether it's what you have for lunch or what you do in your down time...just think about the outcomes before you do it. You never know what the significance will be!